Reginald Lemelle, Assistant Clinical Director at Tree of Life, provides specialized therapy surrounding racial trauma, men’s mental health issues, and teen crisis intervention. We spoke with Reginald to learn more about his journey to becoming a counselor and what resources are available for the Acadiana community on how best to handle mental health issues. If you or someone you know is looking for help, book a consultation with Reginald today.
Reginald, can you tell me a little about what led you to become a counselor personally?
My Dad died when I was two years old, and my Mom died when I was ten years old. After my Mother’s death, I lived with a family member that did not assist in creating a pleasant atmosphere in the home we lived in. When I got to the tenth or eleventh grade, I can’t remember which, there was a day I decided I was going to kill myself. The day I decided to die, I picked up the phone and called my best friend. If she had not answered the phone, if it was not for her, I would not be here, I would not be typing these words for this interview, I would have ceased to exist that day.
My struggles did not end there. Back then I did not have the words to label, name, or identify what was happening/going on with me, and in my head. Now, as a professional, I know I was probably struggling with depression, anxiety, intense grief, and suicide ideation to name a few. My story no longer controls me, I control it, and it is what I use to assist my clients, to sit with them authentically.
Two of your specialities are men’s mental health and racial trauma - two very sensitive topics that are not discussed nearly enough in the public sphere. How did your own journey impact your mission to help individuals overcoming these issues specifically?
On Men's Mental Health: No one taught me how to grieve the death of my Mother. No one led me through the difficult transitions of life after my Mother’s death; the transitions were abrupt, unannounced, and the expectation was for me to shift and move without any kickback. There weren’t any healthy male adults that were able to model healthy emotional behaviors and emotional regulation; there were male adults that led through discipline, the stereotypical means by which young males are led.
On Racial Trauma: During my 10 years of life when My Mother was alive, she had us on picket lines protesting social injustices, mistreatment of minorities, and inequality issues and concerns. To add to that, we were also involved in a March from Holy Ghost Catholic Church in Opelousas Louisiana, to the Louisiana State Capital, in protest of the social injustices in the school system in St. Landry Parish. These experiences heightened my sense of ethical and moral justice for individuals and groups, beginning at a young age. It is a part of my professional journey because it was an intricate part of my personal journey and a foundational component for my life.
In terms of pursuing the mental health profession: Licensed Professional Counselors that are males are not in great number, and minority male therapists are even fewer. If you are a minority in America, in the South, in South Louisiana, it is highly likely you have experienced some form of racial trauma. With that being said, my hope is to sit with my clients and assist them with their own journeys and experiences.
You're known for your collaborative approach to therapy - working in partnership with that individual for the best results. Can you tell me a bit more about what that partnership looks like and how you support each client individually.
In regard to a collaborative approach, one step I utilize is minimal self disclosure with the intent to connect with my clients by building a bridge of communication and connectivity. So what does that mean? If I request my clients to be vulnerable in the space that I have provided, then I should model that behavior for them re: being vulnerable. When I do that, my hope is the client can see me as a clinician and a human being.
Every client that walks into my office is a unique individual who should be treated as such, one of a kind. For example, some clients are storytellers, and I provide a safe space for them to tell their story. Some clients like directive intervention practices, so I use games and puzzles to create an opportunity for them to be introspective. I also utilize guided meditations, psychoeduationl videos, and de-escalation practices.
As someone who helps teens in need of intervention, can you share how you partner with families and/or educators on how to take the best approach in those informative teenage years?
I am the father of three beautiful young women and being a father takes a lot of learning, listening, patience, understanding, and most of all love. I assist the parents by using my own experience which includes failures, successes, struggles, and strains in our relationship. I do not claim to know all of what it takes to be a successful parent, but I know a lot of what not to do. When it comes to parents, I try to give them tools to use at home.
For example, cutting specific time out of the day or during the week to sit with each of your kids one on one with no interruptions and practicing positive communicative behaviors. We all want our kids to talk to us, but we are not in the practice of talking to our kids. When we ask them to talk to us, they don’t know how to do it (or hesitate) because we didn’t model those behaviors for them. In order for a kid to be good at a sport they must practice every day. In order for a kid to be good at positive communication, they must also practice with us to be good at it.
When it comes to best approaches for educators or people outside of the family, I’ve volunteered to speak to groups, I’ve been compensated to speak to groups, and I was also employed by the Foundation for Wellness. Where I taught classes for boys aged 8 to 12 called “Body Talks for Boys” and for boys aged 13 to 18 “Birds, Bees, and STDs”. You can register kids for those classes with Foundation for Wellness.
Generally speaking, psychoeducation is key for the parents, caregivers or any individual directly involved with the child.
You also specialize in helping those undergoing and recovering from grief and bereavement. These subjects touch everyone over the course of their lifetime. Any tips for those reading this who might happen to need advice?
I have a unique perspective about grief and bereavement because both of my parents were dead by the time I reached the age of 10. I have a unique relationship with death and how I approached and experienced the grief and bereavement process. The way I approached it was unhealthy. I buried my feelings, thoughts and emotions associated with my grief. In doing so, I allowed one emotion to be consistently used, anger. Anger is the easy emotion, we don’t have to think about it (snap my fingers), it’s just there, it happens. When facing grief, bereavement and all the complexities that come with it, we need to look for what’s behind the anger. The thoughts, feelings, and emotions we don’t want to address, bring up, share, are covered up by anger.
When you have someone close to you experiencing the death of a loved one, and you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything. Occupy space with them, silence is okay, they may not have the words either but a warm body in the room is better than sitting alone and feeling alone with the struggle of dealing with death. Do not ask them to call you if they need anything, or want anything. Their loved one died, they don’t need or want anything from you, they just want their person back. The days after the burial, when it’s quiet, and everyone else has gone home and they’re life is back to normal, the grieved person no longer has a normal to go back to. Stop in and say hello, send a hello text/email/call (leave a hello voicemail), bring food, bring supplies (everyday items). It is difficult, as sometimes we feel like we don’t want to bother them or inundate them. Give them the chance to say stop, or no, because the alternative is not good. No one calling, no one stepping in and stepping up, and they are alone.
In closing, don’t be afraid to talk about their person that died. Speak their name, share a story, it invites them to speak about their person. If they do emote, feel sad, cry, and sob, you did not make them, they are experiencing emotions associated with the person that is no longer alive. That is a normal response to death.
Are there any particular resources local to the Lafayette community you would recommend to those individuals as well?
The local resources I would suggest include The Healing House, RescYOU group, Hospice of Acadiana, and Hospice of Acadiana Camp Braveheart for kids, dealing with the death of a loved one.
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